


Accidents

by InLoveAndSqualor



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Bandom - Freeform, M/M, MCR, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-07
Updated: 2008-10-07
Packaged: 2017-11-04 05:17:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/390175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InLoveAndSqualor/pseuds/InLoveAndSqualor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Contest Entry<br/>Prompt/Theme: Accidents by Alexisonfire</p></blockquote>





	Accidents

Gerard really didn’t know what was worse the waiting or the waiting room. The intense agony of minutes passing like hours or the dull ache of sitting in that awful place. Painted walls in surgical green and bandage white. The stiff chairs that crippled and harmed, that made the sick sicker, the weak weaker. Disinfectant and disease hung in the air here and clung to the fabric of his lungs. This place choked the life out of you, reminded the dying that destiny was there, sprawled across the floor and flung upon the walls, ready and waiting. 

When the call of ‘You’re next sir,’ becomes a taunt you know you’ve been here too long. 

Gerard turned his head to watch the man sitting behind him rise in response. That guy had definitely arrived after him. 

He looked down at his hand; the blood soaked torn piece of shirt was still there tied neatly in place. 

Maybe he was dying he told himself. Maybe, he thought, he was really ill. Gerard’s eyes followed the now condemned man’s slow progress through the waiting room and beyond. 

He guessed painfully that he’d been waiting here so long because of his story. ‘It slipped in my hand. It was a complete accident,’ had never been a convincing line. And how many times had he used it in this place? How many times had he even used it this year? Eyes glinting with the delicious sensation of a lie, he would blurt them out as second nature.

But Gerard knew all these accidents had to stop. He would have to give up their sublime subtleties. He would have to lose the quiet joy he found in sliding a knife across his palm; the resulting sting as sharp as the blade, causing his fingers to curl inwards as he winced and hissed through a smile. He knew there would come a day when sutures and stitches weren’t enough, when blood and bandages weren’t the real problem and solution. There would be a day when he would have to face the fact that what they were doing here was to humour him and never to cure. All they could do was patch up and repair this broken boy each time. Physical dents are easy to spot and simple to fix but the root cause he knew they could never treat.

Gerard’s accidents came to save him at the worst of times. They came when tears were streaked down cheeks that quivered under the force of a heaving chest. His accidents came when his heart was breaking, when he couldn’t take things anymore. They were the solution to all his impossible feelings, his broken thoughts. They said all the things he couldn’t say. Even now sitting here the memory of a day when standing in the kitchen alone he watched boiling water spilling out from the pan he held, over his pallid forearm turning it blush pink, stirred within him a sense of peace.

A hand on his shoulder roused him from thoughts of harm.

And there he was. Standing mutely in front of him. A warm smile cracked with the strain of concern. A hand laid down to rest upon Gerard’s shoulder; a feeble attempt at comfort. 

He threw himself down beside Gerard and immediately regretted it.

“What’s with these chairs?” He laughed in a broken voice. “They’re fucking awful.”

Robbed of a response from his friend he looked down nervously at his own hands in his lap. Cupped anxious fingers into anxious palm and studied them as they lay cradled.

“Does it hurt?” he asked quietly. Eyes still fixed straight down.

Silence came as an answer.

“I came as soon as I heard…” Frank trailed off; failed to find the words.

Gerard closed his eyes. 

Pictured crimson flow from ivory skin. Pictured harsh steel against trembling palm. Pictured pink lips upon pink lips that quivered in unison.

Opened eyes to the cold clinical strip lights and shining melamine floor.

“I had an accident. It was stupid.” Gerard muttered, barely audible over the natural hum of the emergency room.

Without looking up Frank nodded. He knew it was so much more.

Frank closed his eyes.

Saw pink lips upon pink lips that quivered in unison. Saw harsh steel against a trembling palm. Saw crimson flow from ivory skin.

Opened his eyes to the horror of this room, that barely touched the horror in his mind.

It had all been an accident. From the very start. Frank never wanted any of this.

“You’re next sir,” taunted again. And this time it was Gerard’s turn. 

Gerard rose.

Frank followed suite, grasped Gerard’s upper arm and forced a pursed smile. 

“See you when you’re all fixed up,” he laughed quietly.

But Gerard knew that the people here, the medicines held within these walls, they could stitch and patch, sedate and conceal, but they’d never be the cure for him. He swallowed down deeply the impulse to scream, to run and escape this farce and turned with both restraint and defeat in tow.

Frank looked blankly at his broken friend; felt the cool air of the outside world hit the back of his neck as the automatic doors of the reception lobby were triggered. Frank sighed and turned towards it’s relief.

Out in the night’s air Frank could feel nature’s tender charms, it’s subtle nuisances, soothing him to a nervous calm. The air smelt of damp grass and rotting leaves. Frank liked this time of year, how fresh and yet decaying the atmosphere felt. Autumn was death and rebirth to Frank. Leaving behind the hot heady seasons of spring and summer, yet awaiting still the bitter chill of winter to come. 

Taking a crumpled packet of cigarettes from his jacket, he retrieved the lone occupant and placed it between his lips. Lit, it spilled out smoke languidly, small plumes hanging in the space around his vision. He lifted his face to the air and let the breeze wash over him.

_Gerard placed his hands lazily on Frank’s hips. Alcohol softened any sense of shock Frank might usually encounter. Laughing in return, he wrapped his arms clumsily around his friend’s shoulders and squeezed. Gerard’s lips hung close to Frank’s ear, allowing his hot breath to tumble out and brush upon his cheek. He let them linger before they parted into words…_

Frank shivered involuntarily, memories mixed with the stark chill of the night the catalyst. Those words that Gerard had whispered, sweet alchemy in his hands. What was it in that man that made his resolve fail so readily, his conviction melt and his heart burn?

_Entranced by sweetest whispered sentiments Frank ‘s hands trembled upon his friend. They fell over his inches and stumbled down slender contours. He let Gerard seduce his flesh and forge his lust. Gerard’s uncertain lips pressed to his tasted salty and whiskey stained. They were hot and eager and teased their prey. Gerard’s hands found quickly Frank’s belt and began to unbuckle it with ease. Squirming in a faint show of resistance Frank found he was backing away. Gerard followed unconscientiously making their slow passage through the dark hall of the apartment inevitable…_

Frank took a heavy drag on his cigarette. Memories like these weren’t supposed to be painful, but they were. Frank knew these events, sweet at the time, were the reason why he was here now. Smoking out in the cold, flanked by autumn wind and pressing guilt.

_Frank’s back hit the cold tiled surface of the shower wall. Somehow he had stumbled back into it, falling over the step up and winding himself as his back collided with the only thing between him and being knocked completely off his feet. Gerard licked his lips and smiled at his friend quietly amused. Frank blushed from his gaze, eyes to the floor, cheeks flushed with intoxication and self-consciousness. Gerard caught his friend’s chin playfully, slowly running a thumb over Frank’s kiss-bruised lower lip. With his free hand he reaches for the shower controls. Frank gasps and flails as cold water hits his head and runs down his neck._

A small smile played on Frank’s lips. It was shortly enjoyed as reality hit and the thoughts of the emergency room returned. He closed his eyes and tried to remove the etched image of Gerard’s hand wrapped in a torn piece of his own shirt, blood seeping through. Sighing he took a final drag of his cigarette and threw the stub to the floor. He stepped on its dying form extinguishing its light.

_The water begins to feel warmer on Frank’s skin. It runs down his back and drenches his shirt. Gerard leans forward under the stream of water, it sprays around him and blinds his friend. He kisses Frank’s cheek and places a gentle hand on his neck._

_“I want you,” he whispers to his friend under the roar of rushing of water._

_“God, I want you too,” Frank moans in response._

Frank dreaded his return to the waiting room. The cold hard synthetic world that shut out nature for safety’s sake. Duty stung at Frank’s sides, duty and regret. He turned away from the pleasant feel of the outside world and faced the starkly lit exterior of the hospital building. 

He hoped Gerard wouldn’t be long. He hoped he wouldn’t have to be in this terrible place much longer. So laced it was with memories of his friend’s past injuries and pains. 

Drying his hair roughly with a towel Frank stared at Gerard bemused. He sat still soaking wet on his own couch lighting a cigarette. 

Frank buried his hands in his pockets, hung his head low. Thoughts of harm felt like dead weight on his shoulders. He hadn’t said it then and he knew he couldn’t say it even now. What Gerard needed to hear was never on his lips. He never could say what was in his mind, he wanted his actions and his deeds to be enough for Gerard but they never were.

_“I love you,” Gerard whispered as Frank stood by the open door pulling on his jacket._

_He smiled affectionately and caught his friend’s neck in his hand. He kissed Gerard’s forehead tenderly; turning, leaving, wordlessly._

_He couldn’t say those words. The ones that he wanted to say so desperately. They were there in his mind but refused to be anything more. He felt his shame sting him as he hurried down the apartment block’s hall._

_“I love you too Gerard,” he returned to that empty space._

But it had been too late. It had been too little. He wanted so much to say it to his friend. To meet his gaze and return his love.

And shaking as he returned through the automatic doors he knew his own weakness was hurting his friend. He knew from so many times before that Gerard’s accident wasn’t just an accident again. That he had been and would be again the cause of so much pain. Frank knew with deepest regret that sometimes accidents are on purpose.

**Author's Note:**

> Contest Entry  
> Prompt/Theme: Accidents by Alexisonfire


End file.
